The Role and Challenges of Being a Father

The world is recognizing fathers for their selfless and sacrificial contributions to the lives of children. Never think that you don’t deserve this recognition. Everything you have contributed is valuable and never wasted. The journey into fatherhood is often uncertain. No man starts off fully prepared for it; it is a progressive learning process. John Green aptly captured this sentiment: “The nature of fatherhood is that you’re doing something that you’re unqualified to do, and then you become qualified when you do it.”

While some men are excited about becoming fathers, others are secretly scared and worried, wondering how they will be great fathers to their children. Concerns about financial implications and the unpredictable tasks ahead are common. Yet, these men embrace fatherhood, overcoming their anxieties and launching themselves into this new realm. They soon discover an indescribable love and connection with their children. Unlike mothers, who often express their love openly, fathers tend to carry the burden of their love deeply within their hearts.

Every time I remember the birth of our second child, I fall in love with my husband all over again. The labor came much faster than with our first, and we had to travel several kilometers to reach the hospital where we had registered. However, with labor contractions just five minutes apart, we couldn’t make it. That night, all other options failed us except for God. As a result, our baby was delivered right in the car. My husband, who was also driving, instantly became a midwife (midhusband) by intuition. Though he was confused, disorganized, and overwhelmed, seeing two lives hanging in his hands, he grabbed the baby from the back seat. With his legs still on both the brake and accelerator at the same time, he sucked out the mucus from the baby’s nostrils and kept patting her until she began to cry.

Being a father is a significant responsibility. Often, we underestimate the burden the fathers carry. However, with faith in God, there is always help available. During that delicate and helpless night of the delivery, two men appeared from nowhere around 3 a.m. with torchlights, shining the light to help us (angels probably). The God who never sleeps nor slumbers was undoubtedly watching over us. When a father prioritizes the heavenly Father in his home, miracles become a daily occurrence.

Though women carry the pregnancy physically, fathers (or prospective fathers) carry the weight of responsibility in their hearts. Regardless of how strong and composed a father may appear during his wife’s delivery, his heart is filled with countless unspeakable concerns.

The Importance of Fathers
Whether you are an old father, an active father, or a potential father, you matter in this world. You are shaping the future. Remember, as it says in Matthew 7:17-20, “Every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree can not bring forth evil fruit, and neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down and cast into the fire.” It is essential that you strive to be good so you can easily transfer your good act to your children.  God made you good and knows you are capable of being a good and successful father. He has also provided everything you need.

Guiding and Protecting Your Family
The world is becoming increasingly chaotic, and children must be nurtured with care. Just as you insure your car, home, and life, it is even more rewarding to ensure your children’s spiritual well-being. As the head of your home, take your place with the wisdom of God to guide your household towards Christ.

Fight for your children and dedicate their souls to Christ. Even if they stray, be there for them, waiting for their return. They will be back. The prodigal children will come back home if you don’t stop troubling heaven in prayers on their behalf. Never stop loving them. Remember, God made them and loves them more than you do.

Wisdom in Parenting (Humble Appeal)
As stated in 1 Samuel 2:9, “…for by strength shall no man prevail.” – 1 Samuel 2:9. To our amazing fathers, avoid being too controlling or forceful, as this can harden the children’s hearts over time. You may not know them or what they are up to. While you may share your wisdom and knowledge, remember that sometimes you need to let go and trust them to learn on their own (don’t forget “sometimes” aspect).

Be present for your children. Be a good example and a good listener. Action and lifestyle speak louder than voice. Don’t be like a radio station that talks without receiving any feedback. Allow your children to express themselves. The prayer of any parent is that their children will be better than them. Give them a chance to grow. Allow them when necessary to make their mistakes and learn through them. It is impossible to breed an angelic error-free child in this world. Sometimes, our knowledge and experience may not be relevant as time and seasons change. That is why we need constant wisdom from God.  This may be hard, but that is why fathers are tough. When your children correct you, be humble to consider their perspective. Sometimes, they see better. When you make a mistake, take responsibility,  and apologize. This teaches the children to be real and compassionate.  Remember, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” – Ephesian 6:4.

Create more time to be with them. I know of a father who took his son to various institutions, including prisons, to provide deep, practical lessons. Fathers work hard for their families, but if you are not present or connecting with your children regularly, you may end up using all your savings and investments to repair damages.

Mentorship and Guidance
Don’t allow strangers to mentor your kids or fill their ears with lies. Everyone needs attention, appreciation, commendation, and motivation. The heart tends toward whoever offers these, regardless of their intentions. The enemy is very strategic, and not everything that shone is gold. Put on your diligent cap and never let down your guard. The battle against the children of this generation is on. You are the man.

Praying for Your Children
Spend time praying not only for your children but also with them. This teaches them to trust God and know where to turn in times of need. You have the authority over your children more than anyone outside your home. Stand in gap for them and decare their fulfilling destiny. Nullify every contrary word the enemies must have spoken into their life and activate with authority the words of God over them.  “But He answered and said, “Every plant which My heavenly Father has not planted will be uprooted.  Mathew 15:13
God holds the original manual of creation and destiny. We need to ask Him for His help constantly. No one can be more compassionate about a soul than God, who created and gave them life.

Imparting Spiritual Knowledge
Whatever you teach and impart to your children, never forget to make God a priority in their lives. Build them a fulfilled, balanced life. Imparting the knowledge of God in their hearts may sound religious to some people, but it is incomparable in value. To remove God from a child’s life is to dim the light in their world, leaving hearts adrift and shadows falling across every path they walk, leading to frustration in every aspect of life.

The Wisdom of Fathers
To truly capture the essence of fatherhood, the insights and experiences of fathers are invaluable. Here are some responses from fathers:
• Father A: “Being a father has taught me patience and the importance of being present in my children’s lives. Despite the challenges, the rewards are immeasurable.”
• Father B: “The bond I share with my children is unlike anything else. It motivates me to be a better person every day.”
• Father C: “Balancing work and family life is tough, but knowing I’m shaping my children’s future keeps me going.”

Fathers, your role is crucial. You are appreciated, and your efforts are making a difference in the world.

Seeking firsthand insights, questions were asked to some fathers, and here are the summary of their responses:

Questions:
1. How did your life change after having children?
2. What challenges have you faced as a father, and how did you overcome them?
3. How did you balance work and family life?
4. What advice would you give to new fathers?
5. How do you stay involved in your children’s lives as they grow older?
6. What do you hope your children will remember most about their childhood with you?

Responses:

T.O.
1. Life Changes: Became more responsible and attentive.
2. Challenges: Early rising, school runs, balancing household chores, economic difficulties.
o Overcoming Strategies: Constant adjustment, wise time management, teamwork, prayer, and running a family business.
3. Work-Life Balance: Managed through teamwork, mutual understanding, and joint family ventures.
4. Advice:
o Shared focus and understanding of God’s word with the wife.
o Avoid selfishness and pride, maintain openness.
5. Involvement: Consistent involvement and celebration of milestones, fostering a supportive and celebratory family environment.
6. Legacy: Discipline, memory verses from the Bible, and a strong family bond.

Anonymous
1. Life Changes: Increased focus on children’s moral and spiritual upbringing.
2. Challenges: Single-handedly raising children, coped through faith and prayers.
3. Work-Life Balance: Prioritized family time, moving directly from office to home and church.
4. Advice: Be present and spend quality time with children, and build a lasting legacy.
5. Involvement: Active involvement through counseling, teaching, and financial support.
6. Legacy: Emphasis on hard work and moral guidance despite family challenges.

D. E.
1. Life Changes: Became less selfish, more focused on providing for children.
2. Challenges: Financial provision overcame through hard work and divine favor.
3. Work-Life Balance: Dedicated off-days to family, limited work encroachment at home.
4. Advice: Family is paramount. Ensure presence over monetary provision.
5. Involvement: Engages in activities like playing games, helping with school work, and practicing hymns.
6. Legacy: Instilling fear of God and the value of hard work.

S. B.
1. Life Changes: Increased responsibilities and diverse decision-making.
2. Challenges: Financial strain and handling developmental issues in children.
3. Work-Life Balance: Strategic planning and time management, balancing work, and family.
4. Advice: Pray, model spirituality, be friendly yet disciplined, and ensure alignment with the spouse.
5. Involvement: Spiritual guidance, meeting children’s needs timely, and maintaining constant communication.
6. Legacy: Discipline, immediate corrections, and being consistently available.

B. A.
1. Life Changes: Significant changes.
2. Challenges: Paying school fees and additional lessons.
3. Overcoming Strategies: Prioritization.
4. Advice: Be responsible.
5. Involvement: Train children on life issues.

R. A.
1. Life Changes: More challenging but fulfilling.
2. Challenges: Children’s upbringing, overcome through prayers and scriptures.
3. Work-Life Balance: Maintaining discipline and responsibility.
4. Advice: Be prayerful and lead by example.
5. Involvement: Monitor their relationship with God.
6. Legacy: Caring and affection.
Kunle A.
1. Life Changes: Urge to provide adequately for the family.
2. Challenges: Balancing work for the family and personal fears of failing to meet needs.
o Overcoming Strategies: Relying on God for strength.
3. Work-Life Balance: Managed by a supportive and understanding spouse.
4. Advice: Recognize and worship God. Children are gifts requiring wisdom to raise.
5. Involvement: Equipped by God to be a loving and wise father.
6. Legacy: Known for prayerfulness, lacking hobbies or friends, deeply spiritual.

D. O.
1. Life Changes: Became more focused.
2. Advice: Set priorities right.
3. Involvement: Show interest in children’s activities.
4. Legacy: Imparted a godly influence.
Famakin E.
1. Life Changes: Married as an Evangelical Christian, continued mission work with children, fostering a family team spirit.
2. Challenges and Solutions:
i. Schooling: Early struggles with school runs, moved children to a school near his wife’s work, and managed with one car.
ii. Secondary School: Balanced school standards, costs, and distances for children’s independence, engaged in farming, and running a school to support family finances.
3. Work-Life Balance: Family teamwork in serving God, farming, and running a school ensured economic stability and comprehensive training for their children. All five children have postgraduate degrees, are married, and serve the Lord.

4. Advice to New Fathers:
i. Unity and Commitment: Align in God’s word, work together with commitment (Amos 3:3).
ii. Openness and Teamwork: Avoid selfishness, live within means, and maintain openness.

5. Involvement and Legacy:
i. Celebrated children’s milestones, including nursery, secondary, graduation, marriages, and grandchildren. The family reciprocated by celebrating his 70th birthday.
ii. Emphasized discipline and Biblical memory verses, fostering a lifestyle of faith.
The world knows that “Fatherhood is a marathon, not a sprint.” —Paul L. Lewis. So, we deeply appreciate you all. Happy Fathers’ Day