Finding a Sustainable Love

Someone sent me the questions below to respond to. I believe these questions are very important and that others might also benefit from the answers.

#1 What is the meaning of “unequally yoked”
#2 Can two believers be considered “unequally yoked”?
#3 Can the unequally yoked be fixed to become equally yoked? (Can every marriage be fixed to be perfect before God?)
#4 Can a Christian be led by God to marry a Muslim as in the case of Samson or Hosea?
#5 Should every Christian wait for God to choose a life partner for them, or should they follow their heart?

#1 What is the meaning of “unequally yoked”

As explained in the book of wisdom, being unequally yoked refers to a situation where two oxen have different levels of strength (or different beliefs), with one being weaker than the other. When this happens, they can not work effectively together. Similarly, Christians should not form partnerships with unbelievers, as it hinders them from living the Christian life that God desires for them.

In line with scripture, as a believer in Christ, you can not marry an unbeliever. If someone has given his life to Jesus Christ, believes in Christ’ teachings, and follows His ways wholeheartedly, it would be an unequal yoke to marry someone who believes in a man-made image and passionately follows the doctrine of his master.

Being in love and staying in love are two different things. Anyone can fall in love, but for that love to remain vibrant, there are sustaining factors that must be in place. These factors are the building blocks of marriage. If those factors are missing, disjointed, or contradictory, that love will dry out over time. This often leads to the common reason for divorce: “Irreconcilable differences.”

#2 Can two believers be considered “unequally yoked”?

Yes and No.

Yes, in the sense that two true believers who are mindful of God and focused on eternity should be able to live together happily and also should be able to marry each other.

No, in the sense that destinies are not uniform in Christendom. Visions and passions can still differ among the people of God, leading to unequal yokes in terms of vision, passion, standards, and health. Sentiment or religiosity should not dictate decisions in lifelong relationships and marriage. They are not strong enough to keep a happy home. You can be really happy in your marriage or persevere in your marriage.

For example, if a known sickle cell trait carrier (AS) marries someone with the same genotype, they risk having a child with sickle cell disease (SS). This is not the type of equal yoke we are talking about. The probability is 1 in 4 with each pregnancy (AS + AS can result in 1 AA, 2 AS carriers, and 1 SS). This genetic outcome is unpredictable, and having a child with SS can be incredibly challenging, especially without substantial financial resources for medical care such as regular blood transfusions or bone marrow transplants.

Why bring a child into the world to suffer unnecessarily? Love should not be blind to such realities.

#3 Can the unequally yoked be fixed to become equally yoked? (Can every marriage be fixed to be perfect before God?).

Yes. No one is born a believer, and there is nothing God can not fix. In times of ignorance, God overlooks our errors but now desires repentance from those who have strayed. Repentance leads to restoration, healing, success, and more. Regardless of past mistakes, God can pardon anyone who is willing to let Him into their life and marriage.

Truly, these times of ignorance God overlooked, but now commands all men everywhere to repent, because He has appointed a day on which He will judge the world in righteousness by the Man whom He has ordained. He has given assurance of this to all by raising Him from the dead. Acts 17: 30 – 31

It is never right for a partner who has given their life to Christ after marriage to plan a divorce from a partner who has not yet accepted Christ. The Bible teaches that the godly lifestyle of a saved wife can influence the salvation of her husband.

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, – 1 Peter 3:1

#4 Can a Christian be led by God to marry a Muslim as in the case of Samson or Hosea?

I don’t think so. While we may never fully comprehend God’s ways, we must leave some space for Him and to His wisdom. However, according to the revealed words of God, God will not lead a Bible-believing Christian who acknowledges Jesus as the Son of God to someone who believes otherwise. As Amos says, “Can two walk together unless they agree?”- Amos 3:3. God is capable of transforming anyone, as He continually works in our lives, too, but He will not impose Himself on anyone.

While we can’t write off anyone, we must ensure that the person we love is already transformed and fixed. No one can successfully change another person; that is God’s role alone. The stories of Samson and Hosea in the Old Testament illustrate different lessons. Samson’s choice in love was influenced by his personal preferences and social circle despite being chosen by God. God’s enemies would have still faced the consequences of their wickedness in another way if Samson had acted on God’s direct guidance. In contrast, Hosea’s marriage to a harlot was a specific command from God to convey a message. Whatever the outcome of that was between Hosea and God

It’s important to remember that even a broken clock is right twice a day,

#5 Should every Christian wait for God to choose a life partner for them, or should they follow their heart?

Let’s start with some questions. How much can we trust our hearts? Is our heart more knowledgeable than its Creator? Can our heart predict the future? Have our heart and instincts ever let us down? Can God fail? Has God ever failed us?

If we truly are children of God, we must seek His direction and counsel before entering any relationship and making lifelong commitments. What do we know? We don’t even fully understand ourselves, let alone another person. From Genesis to Revelation, the importance of God’s guidance is clear. Love can be blinding, unable to foresee the future, but God can.

Our destiny is greatly influenced by the marriage we enter. Just as we can’t predict the nature of our future children, we can not predict the outcome of any marriage. We may plan for an ideal family life, but we can not fully control how it will unfold. We control the present moment, but the next moment is a game of chances for a regular life. That’s why a believer must surrender their will to God and let God take the lead. God still guides those who seek His guidance.